(Today's Narrator: Evangeline Tellerman)
I guess you're wondering how things are around here. Well there aren't any decent guys my age to date. They're all ugly or taken. But there is Jerry. Jerry Centowski delivers Chinese food. He is so HOT! And the best part....he isn't related to me. Ok so maybe he's a few years older than me and obviously not very motivated if he's still delivering fast food to the masses but...he is HOT! That's all that matters. I've ordered a ton of egg rolls from him. He even calls me by my name now. Every time he says my name my knees go all weak. I'm going to marry that boy someday. After high school of course. But first I need to tell you all about my mom's wedding.
Yeah, on my birthday my mom was all gung ho about getting married. She started making big extravagant plans. Everything had to be the best. She wouldn't get married until it was perfect. So the plans kept getting bigger and bigger. A date hadn't even been set yet. Mom just said that these things take time and that I wasn't to worry about it. Every day when I got home from school Mom was typing away on her novel. She has pissed off half the neighborhood so far. Most people don't want their names to appear in print. Mom doesn't care. She keeps telling me about all the money we'll have. I don't really think she's doing it for the money though. I think it's all about getting even with my dad.
Well the person who hates my mom the most is Marylena. She's pregnant again. My mom came right out and asked her if this was Cleveland's child too. Marylena was highly offended. Wouldn't you be? Of course nobody is buying that her daughter Yvonne isn't a Garth. I mean the kid favors me and my dad. But Marylena insists that her husband Charlie is the father of both her children. She sued my mom. My mom filled a counter suit. In the end the whole thing got dropped. Something about Marylena submitting her kids to DNA testing. Yeah, that settled things in a hurry.
Oh, but I was going to tell you about the wedding. Like I said, mom was planning on going all out. Someday. Then out of the blue the wedding took place. I came home from school to find a new dress laying on my bed. Mom said the wedding was in an hour. I was in shock. Benjamin seemed really happy. The man acted like he was floating on a cloud. Mom just seemed ticked off about something. An hour later, with a smile plastered on her face, mom greeted her guests and soon after the wedding began.
It was a great party. Everyone had a good time. Despite the lack of notice, I managed to sneak an invite to Jerry. Isn't he handsome in his tux.
And when he hugged me *sigh* well it was the most amazing thing *blush* Jerry is so dreamy. We are really good friends now. He comes over all the time. We hang out in the hot tub. One of these days I'm going to tell him how I feel. One of these days I'm going to let him know how much he means to me. One of these days....when my mom is a little more sane.
Soon after the wedding I found out why everything had been rushed. My mother is pregnant. Can you believe it? I asked her if she was trying to have a baby and she shot me a really dirty look. Trust me folks, this wasn't planned. My mom didn't like having me. She is hating this pregnancy. Benjamin on the other hand is thrilled. He's picking out baby names and everything. Mom doesn't even want to talk about it. She still has my the pink crib set from when I was born. I think she's to cheap to buy a new one so I hope she has a girl.
Well mom isn't much for sitting around eating bon bons so she spent her pregnancy finishing up that book of hers. It hits the shelves next month. Mom has already gotten a nice little up front bonus on it. Oh man the neighbors are going to be pissed. Mrs. Mellon really didn't want the book to come out just yet. I finally gave in and got myself a job at a local business. It's minimum wage but it gets me out of the house and away from the crazy pregnant woman.
Yeah mom was nuts before she delivered the twins but she's even more crazy now. She's not the motherly type really. Poor boys, I'll have to try to show them the love and affection they deserve. You did catch the boys part. Yeah don't let the pink crib fool you. Mom had twin boys. Benjamin named them Frederick and Douglas Rusewicz. I told you mom was cheap. Poor Douglas. I wonder if the pink will effect him later in life?
Well mom and Benjamin have had a few problems since the twins were born. NO, not those kinds of problems. Ben has eyes only for my mom. He works to hard to even notice anyone else. The problem is financial. See Ben got promoted to Chef of Staff at Ugton General Hospital. Well things went well for a while and then Ben really messed up majorly and was fined 40k. Mom went ballistic. They had twins to feed and he had just emptied her savings. So what does mom do? She goes out and captures Captain Hero. Yeah, ties her up or something. The city pays the ransom of 55K. After that mom forgave Benjamin. Couldn't do it until the bank account was back in the black she said. Like I said, my mother is nuts. She doesn't realize what a good man she has. If she isn't careful some woman will come along and take him away from her. Yes, she should definitely be nicer to Ben. He's a good guy underneath all the beauty products.
Well that's all the happenings for now. Until next time.
